so you know how everyone is always like lol illuminati 666 hail satan the south will rise again etc.
well today i was like hey what exactly was the illuminati anyways? and i
Next time on: I didn’t know I was a member of the Illuminati.
Plot twist: Tumblr is literally the Illuminati.
am i in a cult
oh my god.
Never leave someone who touches your soul more than your body.
- me: whats your opinion on tampons
- little brother: they're little fuzzy sticks on strings
- me: then you are ultimately more mature than most boys
- little brother: why
- me: for some reason tampons are gross and taboo just cuz they go in a vagina
- little brother: well so does a penis and boys never stop talking about those
- little brother:
- me: that is a fantastic point
tHAT DOG IS GONNA DIE OF A HEART ATTACK
DONT DROP THAT GPA, AYYE! DONT DROP THAT GPA
i feel this on an emotional level
seriously he literally just moved from drake and josh to icarly he didn’t need to change at all
okay but why don’t more people talk about Night at the Museum like
poc characters and people being portrayed by poc people
this movie is so good
and it has one of the funniest, best, most ridiculous friendships in movie history
and you have Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt I mean
and if all that didn’t convince you there’s also a t-Rex skeleton that plays fetch with one of its own ribs
Haha why do people even try this kind of stuff?
so that natural selection can do its job
Is this the science side of tumblr?…..
This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I’d gotten the time of the train wrong.
I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table.
I want you to picture the scene. It’s very important that you get this very clear in your mind.
Here’s the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There’s a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase.
It didn’t look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.
Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There’s nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies.
You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know… But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn’t do anything, and thought, what am I going to do?
In the end I thought, nothing for it, I’ll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, that settled him. But it hadn’t because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie.
Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice …” I mean, it doesn’t really work.
We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away.
Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies.
The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who’s had the same exact story, only he doesn’t have the punch line.
I see how it is. Rihanna can wear a shiny, completely transparent dress in public and everyone loves it, but when I did it, I was “wasting saran wrap” and “ruining Easter, Daniel.”
seeing all the adorable selfies
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